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Paranoid episode 7 review

WARNING: contains spoilers

So Paranoid has taken a bit of a turn.

And it’s quite a strange, brave turn which is either a complete act of genius or utterly suicidal. After six weeks of our detectives flailing, spouting odd phrases and getting attacked, threatened or spooked, suddenly it’s not them but the bad guys who are under pressure.

Last week it seemed like creepy psychiatrist Chris Crowley and smooth evil dude Nick Waingrow were quite happy and comfortable committing the highly nefarious deeds they were undertaking. But something obviously happened between the last episode and this one (the continued success of Honey G? Bake Off ending? The viewing figures for The Missing?). Suddenly all the baddies are getting squirrelly.

And this, being Paranoid, is not exactly down to the dogged sleuthing of our slightly ineffectual police departments at home and on the continent. Creepy Chris has been arrested, released, illicitly recorded by Alec’s strange mother, poorly trailed and badly badgered by Lucy the Sex Quaker. And he’s starting to shout and wave his floppy hair around in a lightly agitated manner. He’s taken to hiding phones in trees. Where they are charged via sap, it seems.

In Dusseldorf, Nasty Nick has being politely talked to by the investigators, bugged, followed and has Chris phoning him up in a panicky manner every two minutes. His glacial exterior is starting to melt. Now, rather than being slickly nonchalant, he starts barking the names of supposed European super villains into the face of the poor man who’s trailing him and waving a gun in his face.

Nick also reveals what the word ‘Mainline’ means, (I think) after hearing it banded about as the conspiracy buzzword for the past few weeks. If I understood this correctly (and I do go to my happy place on occasion during Paranoid) it means ‘going public’. Rather than someone saying ‘I’m going to release the information’ you say ‘it’s going MAINLINE’, like a 1970’s surfer dude. Now, I’m not willing to go back and double check whether the use of ‘Mainline’ in this context makes sense when it was uttered by all the characters in previous weeks – so I’m going to let that slide.

And speaking of nonsensical phrases, Nick also says to Linda ‘You know that saying “At the end of the road there’s always a mirror”?’ No. She doesn’t. No one does. It’s not a saying. You’re all insane.

(And while I’m riled up, what exactly happened to that ‘Ghost Detective’ guy? Did the actor get a panto or a Lidl commercial or something and they decided to quietly drop him and hope no one would notice? He seemed to know a lot of pertinent information about the investigation a couple of weeks ago.)

paranoid episode 7

Bug-eyed Bobby has been deported from German after the incident with the Drug Jesus (when asked what happened he replies ‘It was a Jesus made out of pills’ by way of explanation) and starts getting fruity with Lucy in an orchard.

All this travel and jiggery-pokery has obviously jolted something loose in Bobby’s cop brain as he suggests going back over the details of the case, looking at evidence and actually doing some legitimate police work. IN EPISODE 7. This seems to involve Alec and Nina sitting outside Crowley’s house and sharing an apple. I mean, I know budgets are tight in the country’s police forces, but can they not get an apple each?

But Chris has bigger problems than Alec watching him or Bobby trying to grapple him for sending porny pictures of the Sex Quaker to former CIA agents (what have I become?). Now the hired killer who practically demolished a local hospital with gunfire then immediately transferred into a quiet life in the immediate Cheshire area is out to get him.

And then things got really funny.

This episode of Paranoid made me laugh out load on three occasions this week. And I genuinely feel bad about that. It was just the sight of someone running off down the street in swimwear, followed by the announcement that ‘he drove the bus OFF A CLIFF’ and then practically the whole cast appearing at Chris’s house in the middle of the night one after the other for no apparent reason. I just lost it completely. I may have PTSD.

I didn’t even get to Nina dumping Dennis again because she thinks he doesn’t like her very much. OF COURSE HE DOESN’T – YOU KEEP TURNING UP AT HIS HIRE CAR BUSINESS BEING WEIRD.

So we have one week left of Paranoid. And I’m starting to suspect that the big reveal will be that everyone concerned, both in front and behind the camera, is popping the evil blue and white pills that are sending everyone over the edge. Or perhaps a sweaty Dennis will sit bolt upright in the middle of the night and it all have been some kind of crazy dream.

Did you tune in for Paranoid episode 7? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Dale Shaw
Dale Shaw
Dale Shaw

Dale Shaw is a television and radio writer, journalist, screenwriter, performer and musician. His first book, Letters of Not, was published by The Friday Project in 2014, with his second, F**k This Journal, published by Headline in 2015. He has written for The Now Show, The News Quiz, Russell Howard’s Good News, The Impressions Show, That Mitchell and Webb Sound, One, School of Comedy, as well as for The GuardianIndex, Huffington Post, BBC Online, Washington City Paper and many more.

Follow Dale on Twitter.


    OMG Dude!! You’ll have to dial it back if I’m to read your reviews again!! I literally spit my sip of water all over my keyboard reading this! If Paranoid is funny (just another turn of the screw and it could easily pass for parody) then you are brilliantly hilarious. The only thing that makes this show worth watching is coming here to read your reviews. Thanks!!

    This is such a spot-on skewering of Episode 7 that I can almost even forgive you for writing for the Guardian, lol.

    I’ve kept watching this series just because it’s only 8 eps and I kinda wanted to see where the whacko shrink ends up… so why not? Plus Linda is charming, though I may be overstating this because charm, in this series, has been in short supply. At any rate your recap/review is FAR more entertaining and amusing than this show has ever been. Plus you reminded me of the GHOST DETECTIVE. I’d somehow forgotten he existed (like the writers, perhaps?).

    I believe the ghost detective just handed over his two pages he copied and buried, to the police. He killed his wife, and was going to be charged with other offenses like impersonating a cop, obstruction of justice, etc, so I would suggest he was arrested.. no more need for him.

    I have enjoyed your comments more than the series , let’s not forget the relief when the adverts come on and we nice smile from the girl in the SEAT car advert . Does this series seem familiar to anyone else , there was a series by the BBC last June “New Blood” in a drug trail went wrong , two baddies from the drug company went around killing of the people who had taken part in the drug trail , setting up the guy who had gone loopy . After killing everyone off they walked away

    Ditto Christine’s first comment – no offence to the other critic but yours are much more comical – more please ☺. Can you also write reviews for Dark Angel – I can already imagine some of your comical nicknames for some of the characters and shady goings on lol. I also thought the story in Paranoid mirrored New Blood minus the comedy duo getting into constant trouble – more lives between them than an overly curious cat ! I’m looking forward to finding out whose behind it all as until this episode I thought waingrow was the big bad wolf.

    Sherry! You just made me realise that in an attempt to make this crazy series make sense I’d conflated these two shows in my mind a bit (I have a bad habit of doing this, for years I was convinced Striptease & GI Jane were the same movie…). I kept wondering when it would come back to the group of friends who met O/S and all started getting murdered… and your comment made me realise that was New Blood, right? I just want to know what happens with the crazy shrink at this point.

    Hey Ruth, what’s O/S ?? Hmmmm are you confusing both these dramas with yet another as New Blood was focused on two guys who were sort of enemies at first but ended up best buds – there was no group of friends – just those 2 constantly snooping about and getting into scrapes. I wondered if you meant The Five as that’s the only drama that springs to mind set around a group of friends but not being murdered – we need Scooby doo to solve this mystery lol !! As for Paranoid, have you seen episode 8 yet – crazy shrink conclusion ☺

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